Never again!

It’s been a few days!! Sorry about that.

I think I left off on Wednesday with my Fat Goggles as April put it. I like that term 🙂

Thursday I was supposed to go to LA, but what a shocker, my plans got cancelled. The girl I was going with backed out at the last minute. I was pretty bummed. I ended up spending the day at my dad’s house. I decided to take a nap at around 5:30pm….14 hours later……………..

Yeah, talk about a good night of sleep. Friday, I absolutely worked my buns off in the gym. And ate like a champ. I needed it, seeing as I ate PIE on Thursday. It was planned, but still, Pumpkin AND apple pie.

Friday’s workout was Chest/Triceps. I am really sore today from it, too. I also did 30 minutes of incline walking, 15 minutes of ellipticizing(i prefer to call it that these days because i want to :-D), and sprints at the field.

Today was just Shoulders and a little Biceps. I kept it short and quick, but my shoulders were quivering as I was leaving. It actually surprised me, but I’ll take it!

Today was the NPC Western Regionals in AZ. A lot of girls from my gym were competing today, and I was “helping out” at the show for my coach Ernie. I use that term loosely, because I didn’t do much besides talk to people backstage that I hadn’t seen in a while and watch the show. It was fun to watch. One of the bikini girls tried the whole “sex appeal” tactic. There is always at least  one of those. People, this isn’t a stripper/play boy contest 🙂 It was funny though, I’ll give  her that.

We sat in the audience and picked out who we thought won their class. I’m pretty sure that some of our girls will win or place pretty high. I’m excited for them!!

Being there made me wish I was competing. I know my turn will be soon, but the smell of tan was definitely bringing me back to my first NPC show. Looking back on that show, it was SUCH an awesome experience. I think that was the best day of my entire life. I had so much fun, I felt amazing, I felt that all of my hard work had paid off, and getting 2nd place just topped it all off. I can’t think of any other day that I felt better about myself.

That is why I am SO frustrated with the way I let myself go. I know everyone (not everyone, but many) does it at least once in their competition career. I learned from my mistakes big time, and can’t wait to get back into my lean mean shape.

Things I DON’T miss…

-Not sleeping

-Waking up hungry all the time

-Not sleeping!!!!!!

That was honestly the hardest thing for me. For 3 months I didn’t sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time. That truly sucked.

What I DO miss??

-Waking up in the morning to a LEAN body.

-Working out in a sports bra and seeing rock hard abs

-Being comfortable in SHORTS. (That was the first time in my life i was ever comfortable in shorts. Another one of my weird complexes that I have.)

-Feeling so good about myself and what I was doing.

 

I’m getting back to that, but it takes patience. Working on having patience, but it’s hard! I can’t help but be a little pissed off at myself for letting myself get to this point. I have 10 weeks to lean myself out, which is totally doable, but i can’t stop myself from thinking about what I would look like if I hadn’t let myself gain weight. No use looking at what I could or should have done, though, and I know that. Forward is the only way to go from here. (Can you tell i’m trying to give myself my own pep talk? haha)

Re-losing weight you have already lost in the past is not that cool 🙂 Never again! But, it has to be done, so i’m doing it. I know you might be rolling your eyes at how much I relate my happiness to a lean body, but although I know there is more to me than a body, I just am a much happier person when I like how I look.(I’m pretty sure we all are, it’s human nature.) It doesn’t mean that having a good body automatically brings happiness to my life, but it is a piece of it.

Anyways, i’m done rambling. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving! I’m getting excited about competing and anxious to fit back in my skin 🙂

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5 thoughts on “Never again!

  1. Sorry you didn’t get to go to L.A, what a bummer! I’m glad you got to help out at the competition and had a good time! Don’t be too hard on yourself about not competing again quite yet, remember that you are pretty new to this and you have all the time in the world to learn and grow to be an amazing competitor. You’ve already done such a good job and will continue to get even better 🙂

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  2. We all feel better when we feel fit. Like you said..it’s human nature. I’m sure you will get to be where you want to be. We need to remember to have patience and not give up.

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  3. I hope that you find a place in your life where you enjoy the journey that you’re on, enjoy the body that your in and embrace what you’ve done so far. I am here to say it will never be perfect…but no one is. Give yourself and show yourself some love. Remember that beauty is also within and living your life to the fullest..sleeping/eating/exercising in a balanced way will bring you peace in your life and a new thought of self-love.

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