It doesn’t matter how things turn out in the end, it matters that you tried them in the first place.

Maybe it is the season, or maybe it is just the things going on in my life, but I need change.

I feel like things are just not exciting right now and I am struggling to find my balance.

Granted I have/am changing a few small things about my life right now, and hope to change more. I am 3/4 of the way moved into my dad’s house(Just need to move some clothes and other random items), and I have branched out to another gym and am finding myself getting some AWESOME workouts there.


But that isn’t enough. I am bored with my job, bored with my daily life, and altogether just plain bored. My workouts are the only thing that is exciting me right now. I might sound crazy to some of you, and others will relate, but I get really excited when I’m driving to the gym. I get excited to lift weights and work my body. I absolutely LOVE the pump, the adrenaline, the feeling of being STRONG, I love everything about it. I am working on finding a better relationship with food also. I will admit, I spoke to soon yesterday and had a slip up with the food (EVERY time I come on here saying I am back on track I slip-up. I swear it is like I jinx myself!) I was going 8 days strong, but yesterday turned into a bad day and I will admit: I ate out of pure emotion, and knew I was doing it and didn’t care.

I had a meeting with a modeling agency that didn’t go how I had hoped. I left with mixed feelings. I was excited because I always read about the most successful people being rejected at one point or another, so for a moment I decided to pretend like I was destined to be this super star someday. Then the bad emotions kicked in and the self-doubt and all that mumbo-jumbo. I was bummed, but was going to work through it. Then things got worse.

This involved my little brother. I got an e-mail from one of his friends basically telling me what I had suspected and, yeah, here we go again. I lost it at that point. The day was just NOT a good one for me. I wish I could say that today was much better, but it wasn’t. I have been cutting myself off from friends lately, and leaving my cell phone at home. I just don’t feel like bringing others down with my piss-poor attitude.

I do know that I am very capable of making the changes I want in my life. After all, I need to follow Ghandi’s advice and be the change I want to see in the world.

I am slowly trying to figure out what it is that I actually want though, and that is where I am struggling. I need to do some soul searching the rest of this weekend and find out what it is that I WANT. Here are some things that I already know I¬†want. These are things that I want to live with for the rest of my life. Of course, I¬†am a person of change, so these may change in¬†the¬†future, but for now….

I want to wake up every morning being thankful for the beauty surrounding me.

I want to go throughout my day staying positive and looking on the bright side of things.

I want to judge less, and become even more open to new ideas, new people, and new things.

I want to exercise and work my muscles to their full potential, without over-training.

I want to give my body the rest it needs, when it needs it.

I want to work in an environment of like-minded people that share many of my views on life.

I want to work in a job that doesn’t feel like work. Somewhere that I can be myself and share my ideas.

I want to eat nutritious foods that fuel my active lifestyle. I want my lean muscle mass to glisten in the sun and for the fat to effortlessly slip away because of this healthful lifestyle.

I want to stop focusing on “leaning out” and instead focus on shaping my body into a beautiful sculpture. The fat loss will come full circle if I just work on fueling my body with the nutrients it needs.

I want to learn to listen to my body and what it is craving(I did very well with this last week and found myself much happier.)

I want to remind myself to have faith when it comes to fat loss. If I do the right things for MY body, the fat has nowhere to go but OFF.

I want to surround myself with friends and family that do not judge or hurt others. People who appreciate life and what they are given.(I am sick of my friends complaining about the superficial things in life)

I want to be outdoors and see, hear, and feel what nature has given us. Every mountain, plant, and animal is  a GIFT that we need to embrace. We are visitors on this earth, we do not OWN these things, and we need to learn to appreciate them.


¬†I am a strong person and I do NOT give up.¬†I¬†may hit rough patches, and you¬†may get sick of reading¬†about my struggles, but you will NEVER¬†see me¬†give up. The only time I would ever give up on something is if it turned out to be something that I truly didn’t want.¬†Although I have some self-esteem issues, at the same time I am very confident. It makes no sense, I know, but it’s true.¬† My father is a total go-getter.¬†If he wants something, 9 times out of 10 he gets it.¬†Nothing stands in his way and he has taught me to be the same way.¬†I am fearless when it comes to going after opportunities.¬†I know I am young, but I was forced to grow up much quicker than my peers and I have learned a lot. I have learned a lot about the real world, and how people go about it the total¬†wrong¬†way.¬†People, especially in the business world, seek ways to help THEIR OWN¬†business, THEIR OWN desires, etc. They get so wrapped up in building up their own repertoire and usually won’t get very far because they are not focused on the right things. The key to success is to show others how you can help THEM. That is when the opportunities¬†will start to come and you will begin to see your business, dreams and desires growing right before your eyes.¬† I am definitely no expert and I have MUCH more to learn about life, but that is what is so great about life. There are ALWAYS new things to learn. The smartest man in the world can learn something new from the dumbest man in the world. Why am I writing all of this? I don’t know, really. I got caught up in my thoughts and decided to write them out. I literally have written a novel now, and I’m sure nobody is still reading this, but if you are, glad you stuck with me.

I will round this post out by saying GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT in life. If you are unhappy with the way things are going, you have to change something. Changes do NOT come to you, YOU create change. Small changes lead to big changes and things will NEVER go as planned, so be ready for it.

I am not counting down until the next competition or the next big event anymore. I am living my life, and I will happen to stop by Las Vegas in November to do a competition. Life is a journey, not a destination.



7 thoughts on “It doesn’t matter how things turn out in the end, it matters that you tried them in the first place.

  1. Life is one big long journey – and we need to enjoy it hun xoxo. Thinking of you, I know exactly what you are going through. Hang in there – you will get through it and be stronger for it. I hope you find what it is you are looking for sweet. Do what is good for your mind body and soul – yours – not anyone elses. Look after yourself first and foremost so you can actually have something to giv to others!


  2. courtlove111 says:

    Thanks for this post. I’m feeling a lot of similar things as you are right now…I am at a crossroads and I feel like if I go the scary way that some amazing things could happen, but it is scary! And if I go the safe way I will be secure…but will I be happy? I am going to go for my dreams…as soon as I figure out what they are!

    You can do anything you put your mind and body to!!!

    Adventures in Tri-ing


  3. I, for one, will never tire of reading your posts because you are honest & true to yourself, your feelings & your journey. The only thing I find comfort in times of frustration, distress or tough times, is knowing that I am exactly where I need to be at this exact moment. We may not understand it, we may not like it, but we are okay.

    I’m so glad you are finding enjoyment in at least your workouts. Sorry to hear about the not-so-good news with your brother. I said a prayer for him this morning before I even read your post!


  4. I’m sorry that you are still not having much success with your brother. Hopefully soon he will see what pain he is causing and get his act together. I love this post because of how honest you are and you truly are one of the strongest people I know (am I allowed to say I “know” you? lol) I think some serious soul searching will do you good and know that we are all here for you!!


  5. wow, I am sorry it took me so many days to catch up. (The weekend was crazy, will blog more about that later) but dang. I have already read your most recent posts, so to this in retrospect – I just say – Chin up. You are just like me. We ALL GO THROUGH THIS.
    Minus your brother – it’s just life. You are strong and in control. I love working out and the life WE choose becuse it’s one thing I CAN CONTROL.

    Good things are coming your way, beautiful. Chin up, shoulders back…you got this.


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