holy crapola

I was bored tonight and decided to take some progress pics. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I like how I am looking.

Here was the eye opener…… I found my starting pictures from December. I can’t BELIEVE how big i was(for me) I can’t believe I let myself get that puffy. I was pretty thin and trim in June 2008. Fast forward to December 2008 its a huge difference. Then fast forward to now..and i’m lovin it! It is honestly saddening to see my picture from December because I know it isn’t me. I had been dealing with depression for a few months and what brought me out of my depression was telling myself…”Self…pull your head outta your ass and your going to compete. You are going to stop making excuses about your diet, your not going to cheat, your going to eat clean, your going to bust your ass at the gym. No more just going through the motions…this is real.” And ya know what? I did just that and proved to myself that I can do this.

I will let the pictures tell you the story………
Okay don’t ask about this picture hahah clearly it was a goofy summer night…but this was taken on July 3, 2008. It was around the time my boyfriend and I were breaking up. I am on the left….i was pretty happy with my body at this time…

Then the realization that the boyfriend and me were really done settled in and I went through months of depression. Mostly non-related to the guy situation, but that is what started it, and you know when it rains it pours. Family life literally came crumbling down and I hated myself for not keeping control of my diet…..which spun me further down….anyways….here is me in December 2008………

I seriously look like a cow in this picture. The biggest I have ever been and the biggest I will ever get!(I know my weight problem was not very severe but I was hurting so much looking like that in the mirror to myself. It was failure that I saw in the mirror for letting myself gain the weight. I realize i am not overweight in this picture and if this offends you I am sorry, but I cried myself to sleep for months over this body, so it is real to me.)
Anyways..this is when I decided that i was going to pick up a clean diet, get in the best shape of my life, and compete in a figure competition. Something clicked that night……it was around the time i started this blog…which I think has helped me SO much in sticking to my goals….
Here I am in February of 2009…starting to get my body back…

And now for my current picture….I took this picture tonight….things are starting to come together more!…………..

Obviously I still have more work to do. I need more muscle in my legs…you can’t see my back or shoulders in this picture, but I should have taken a picture of them because they are looking fantastic! My upper body is coming around really nicely. It is pretty easy for my arms and back to lean out, so the muscles are showing well….still working on the abs(they are getting better!) and legs. But i am starting to see the sweep in the quads.

Comparing this picture with the picture from December is seriously crazy to me. I have made some serious progress and I can TRULY say that I am PROUD of myself. Yes i have hit some bumps in the road, but i haven’t gotten off track. If i over eat one day, i am back on my game the next day and the day after that and so on. I am determined, more than ever, and I will stop at NOTHING.

Off to Vegas in the morning. Back Saturday night!!


7 thoughts on “holy crapola

  1. jeimayprovy says:

    wow you look amazing! I think you even look better than last June. Your abs look phenomenal and so do your hips…keep up the great work! πŸ™‚


  2. Becca says:

    You really are getting back on track. Good for you. We all go through things and fluxuate. I weighted 145 a few years ago which isn’t “fat” but it was a little chubby and was “fat” for me, and who I am.

    Good job – I’m excited to see more progress.

    AND DAMN, I didn’t get the barney butter link in time. 😦


  3. prettyface says:

    YUP you look fabulous!! You were by no means a cow (!!!) but it is a major difference. Go you~!~

    Are you in vegas still?


  4. Amy says:

    That is some great progress! I just found your blog and I think I’m going through quite the same thing as you — depression took my healthy diet captive the last 6 months and I became a bit puffy — definitely fit and fine, but not normal for me.
    Thanks for sharing your struggles.


  5. Tamzin says:

    I just wanted to note that you are so critical of yourself…yet failed to note the back-fat rolls on your ex….


    You are great, and you look great. You might not be exactly where you want to be, but you’re still awesome!


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